I have had many opportunities in my lifetime for discouragement to take hold of me and pin me to the floor like a wrestler would. The night of July 14, 2020 was one of those. Becky had tested positive for COVID-19 a few days earlier and her symptoms had gradually worsened. Having lived with a compromised immune system for eighteen years since receiving a liver transplant in 2002, it was not unusual for her to be on antibiotics for various infections and illnesses, although for the most part she had experienced a good quality of life.
The year 2020 was an unusually rough year for her as she battled one ailment after the other, resulting in 4 and 5 day long hospital stays in January and June. Not to mention that she also broke her shoulder in March. It seemed that she could never quite recover from one before another would hit her. On that night in mid-July she began struggling to breathe and it was time to drive her to the ER at Methodist Hospital in The Woodlands, Texas. The pandemic was already in full swing and I knew that I would not be permitted to go in with her. When I kissed her goodbye and watched them take her away in the wheelchair, it was as if an arrow with “discouragement” written on it had been shot right through my heart. I parked my SUV and sat there with the motor and AC running, numb and feeling like my faith had been sucked right out of me. In all her hospital stays through the years I was in there with her, holding her hand, praying, reassuring her and being her advocate to make sure she received the best care possible. Not this time, though. I had no idea what was going on in there. A feeling of helplessness like I had never felt before came over me. I called on the name of Jesus and played worship music. I texted and called family and a few dear friends for prayer support.
Let me just say that, with the exception of surgery, there should never be a time when a family member is not allowed to be with a patient, pandemic or not. Never. Ok, I’ll step off of my soapbox now.
After sitting in the parking lot for a while, peace settled over me and I have to believe it did for Becky too. I know that it was the prayers of the saints and me being reminded of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us over and over through the years. We had experienced His intervention so many times and felt His presence while literally walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Becky had received a liver transplant eighteen years earlier with death knocking on the door. A few weeks before that, she laid in a coma for three days due to encephalopathy, needing a miracle. Two dear friends of ours went to the hospital and into the ICU at 1:00 AM to pray for her. Her best friend, Tammy, got up on the bed face to face with Becky and, by the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, commanded her to come out of that coma. She did, three hours later! As I sat there waiting, I reminded myself of these things and told my soul to bless the Lord.
Oh, the benefits of meditation! I began the practice of meditating on the Word of God 40 years ago after hearing a great man of God, Campbell McAlpine, preach and teach about it. Countless times since then I have faced situations where the Holy Spirit has brought to my mind the words of the Lord I had digested through the years. This would prove to be a priceless treasure over the following four months.
I am more convinced of the goodness of God than I’ve ever been. Good is not only what God does, it is simply who He is. Something happens to me that I can’t explain when I intentionally meditate on His goodness. Perhaps it is what Apostle Paul called “the peace of God, which passes all understanding”.
“Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1)
Say that out loud to yourself twenty or thirty times a day and see what happens to your soul. I did it every day. I can completely trust in Him when I know He is good and His mercy endures forever. One morning I wrote about this verse in my journal: “It is right and proper to give thanks for the good things we have received, but the purest form of thanksgiving is the giving of thanks for He is good. We thank Him for who He is, for goodness is the very essence of His being”. The NASB says “His lovingkindness is everlasting”! Jesus said He would never leave us or forsake us. David said, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there: If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there”. (Psalm 139:7-8)
When I meditate on these truths, it creates an awareness of His presence. If you feel distant from God, He is not the culprit. God is omnipresent–in other words, there is no place He is not. Our awareness of God is the problem.
The next morning brought new challenges that would test my patience and my trust in God’s goodness, from texting and calling Becky’s phone and getting no response to calling the ER (where she was still waiting on a hospital bed), being put on hold for 10 minutes and then finally speaking to the charge nurse only to be questioned by her as to whether I was really Rebecca Sherman’s husband. I hate not knowing! Anger was welling up inside me at this point. Was it righteous anger? Yes, but I remembered the words of Paul the apostle – “Be angry and sin not”. I like to think that means “be angry when you see injustice being done but remember Who you belong to”. I would be tested on this many times in the weeks to come. I thought about how compassionate and patient the Lord has been with me. The love and compassion I had for my beautiful bride had to be weighed on the scales with compassion for the hospital staff who were having to deal with mandates from high places along with the changes and challenges of this uncharted territory called The COVID-19 Pandemic.
About 36 hours after being in the ER she was finally moved to a room in CCU (critical care) which is a step below ICU. By this time I had been able to communicate with her several times by text and talking. She had been placed on oxygen immediately upon arrival at the hospital and would never be taken off of it.
To throw another twist into the story, I began having symptoms of COVID myself a few days after she went into the hospital. Thank God my case was no worse than a moderate case of the flu, with mild fever and, most annoying to me, the loss of taste and smell. In a week’s time I was feeling better and in recovery mode. About a week later I woke up abruptly around 2:15 AM in a very restless state. It literally felt like something was trying to take my breath away. I was having strange pains in my chest and left lung and what felt like spasms. I knew in my spirit that this was demonic in nature. I had recovered from COVID and had been feeling pretty good. I began praying in my prayer language (tongues) and then in English I told it to leave in Jesus’ name. After a minute or two more, it was gone and never came back. It was then that I knew we were dealing with something on a different level than anything we had faced before.
I would like to say here how thankful I am for my family, friends, and the body of Christ (His Church). There were multiple groups of people (possibly thousands), besides the four different group texts I had going, who prayed faithfully for us every day. We could literally feel it and I will forever be grateful. There were so many times we would receive scriptures, prayers, words of encouragement, songs and pictures via text, messenger, or voice mail at just the right time. God is so amazing! There is a small group of men that I have been praying with every weekday morning at my church since November of 2019. What a lifeline they have been to me!
Becky spent two weeks at Methodist Woodlands. They had done all they were capable of doing and the decision was made to move her to Methodist in Houston where she could receive more specialized care. This gave me some hope that, finally, we could see some light at the end of this dark tunnel. I was oblivious to all that lay ahead of us.
…to be continued.