“You better stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” I remember hearing that when I was a child as I awaited the next blow from the belt. I wanted to blurt out, “I will, if you’ll stop hitting me!” I knew better than to utter those words for fear of prolonging it, so I would do my best to suck those sobs back in and hold it the best I knew how. Out of ignorance, I may have done the same thing to my boys when they were young, although I can’t remember. At least I hope I didn’t.
When I think about it, it is so absurd to tell someone not to cry while you inflict more pain. By the way, this is not a blog on how to raise your children. I would, however, like us to consider something: Crying is a natural response to pain, sorrow, loss, and mourning.
In Biblical times it was a common practice, for folks who could afford it, to hire professional mourners to show up at a funeral to cry and wail. Most funerals I have been to needed no extra mourners to show up. In the second beatitude, Jesus says something that sounds like an oxymoron:
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
I have mourned and I’ve been with others who were mourning, but there was nothing in the moment that seemed to indicate that we were happy about it. In fact, sometimes the grieving process can take weeks, months, and years. Hopefully not years!
In looking at this beatitude, I have read some commentaries that suggest Jesus is talking about taking comfort in the fact that one day we’ll be in heaven where there will be no more sorrow and He’ll wipe away all our tears. That will be a great day and we can take solace in that hope, but there is also a genuine comfort to be experienced right now.
When Jesus was telling his disciples that he was going to have to leave them, he said this:
“I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you.” (John 14:18)
He wasn’t talking about his personal return to earth. He was talking about the One who would come after he left – Holy Spirit.
“These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.” (John 15:25-26)
This “Helper” is also called, the “Comforter.”
This doesn’t make suffering loss any easier, but it does give us hope in the midst of mourning.
When we are mourning loss, whether it be the death of someone dear to us, or the loss of something else, we can be so buried underneath it all that we can’t even sense the presence of God anymore. That is when Holy Spirit comes to us in the form of a person. A human person. Not someone with good advice or a clever Christian cliche’ such as, “Everything happens for a reason.”
On the morning of April 21, 1969, when my father died, a relative sat down beside me and said to me, “You know, Kevin, now that your daddy is gone, you’re going to have to be the man of the house.”
I was only ten years old. Words that I had heard as a boy ran through my mind – big boys don’t cry. What a lie!
Although I’m sure he meant well, his words were not what I needed in that moment. Instead of crying, which I probably needed to do, I tensed up in anger and held it all in until the funeral where I finally was able to cry and let it out.
What I needed most was just a hug and a kiss on the forehead, which I did get from aunts and grandmothers. Thank God for women!
I know this, we will all experience loss at times in our lives. When it happens, the Comforter will be there in a hug, a kind word, a prayer, and possibly a few meals.
And when it’s your time to mourn, go ahead and cry.
And then be comforted.
Kevin