Finding What I’m Looking For

A couple of years ago I purchased a song on iTunes. There’s nothing unusual about that, except this particular song seemed so descriptive of where I felt like I was at this juncture of my life. The song was “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”, by U2:

 

I have climbed the highest mountains

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

Only to be with you

 

I have run, I have crawled

I have scaled these city walls

These city walls

Only to be with you

 

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a seeker. For as long as I can remember, there has been a cry from my innermost being that says, “there must be more!”

It’s a search for something real. Something authentic. Something genuine.

 

I liken it to pecan brittle. Yes, pecan brittle. I remember eating peanut brittle as a child and being somewhat unimpressed by it. I’ve seen peanut, pecan, and even cashew brittle fancy in packages in stores and have tried some of it. But then there’s Becky’s Famous Pecan Brittle. It’s authentic, it’s real, it’s original, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever tasted. No fancy packaging, just a little brown paper bag with a red ribbon around it, with a little tag on it. But inside is something delightful and delicious.

 

I, like so many others these days, have grown tired of the plastic, glossed over, loud and flashy, what-can-we-grab-their-attention-with-this-week church scene. Where is the authentic?

 

As this year comes to an end, I will have read 12 books, all of them good, but the last one could be considered the icing on the cake (or maybe the cake itself). The Book is “Water to Wine” by Brian Zahnd. Ironically, in the first chapter he quotes the first verse of the song I spoke of in the beginning.

 

I’ve read a lot of books in my life, but I don’t know that I’ve read one that so resonated with where I am in my search. Here’s what he says about the book on the back cover:

 

“I was halfway to ninety—midway through life—and I had reached a mid-life crisis. Call it a garden-variety mid-life crisis if you want, but it was something more. You might say it was a theological crisis, though it makes it sound too cerebral. The unease I felt came from a deeper place than a mental file labeled ‘theology.’ I was wrestling with the uneasy feeling that the faith I had built my life around was somehow deficient. Not wrong, but lacking. It seemed watery, weak. In my most honest moments I couldn’t help but notice that the faith I knew seemed to lack the kind of robust authenticity that made Jesus so fascinating. And I had always been utterly fascinated by Jesus. What I knew was that the Jesus I believed in warranted a better Christianity than I was familiar with. I was in Cana and the wine had run out. I needed Jesus to perform a miracle.”

 

Brian Zahnd, Water to Wine

 

The greatest impact this book has had on me has been my prayer life. I would be more honest and truthful to say my lack of a prayer life.

 

I have now begun using a liturgy of prayer outlined in this book that has not only changed my prayer life, but is changing me!

 

I’ll leave you with another quote from Water to Wine

 

“The primary purpose of prayer is not to get God to do what we think God ought to do, but to be properly formed. Prayer is not about advising or managing God; prayer is about us being properly formed.”

 

To be continued…

 

Merry Christmas to all,

 

Kevin


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