“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That was a familiar saying in the neighborhood where I spent my early childhood. Knowing that a good parental whoopin’ awaited the child who dared to throw a rock at or hit a playmate with a stick, words were the weapon of choice in most disagreements. If you hit or pushed someone down, punishment surely came your way as opposed to name-calling, which when told to the parent was usually met with “just forget about it, those names can’t hurt you.”
But they did. Words are powerful. They can hurt and they can heal. They stick in your soul like a barbed hook.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was simply a meaningless defense mechanism that made us feel better for the moment by implying that those words didn’t really hurt, but we knew better. Those words stung.
I was the fat kid on the block. Bobby (fictional name) was the neighborhood bully. I can still hear that clever rhyme in my head – “Fatty, fatty, two by four, can’t get through the bathroom door.” Bobby would start the chant and the other kids would join in.
We adults may not use childish rhymes like that in our communication now, but we do know how to use words to our advantage and we’re fully aware of their power most of the time. Those words I heard in the neighborhood were hurtful, but not near as much as those I heard in my own home. I remember going to bed most nights hearing my dad yelling and cursing at my mother, permeating the walls of our home with degrading speech.
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
I’ve read books and heard many sermons and teachings on the power of our words. There have been entire movements centered around this truth. And it is truth. However, I believe there is something that gets lost in the emphasis on words and it’s this – words come from thoughts. I think, therefore I speak.
How many times have I caught myself saying, “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…?” If I know I shouldn’t say it, then why am I saying it? Because, If I’m honest with myself, I’ll admit that I really wanted to say it, even though I know I shouldn’t. Kind of sounds like that Romans 7 thing doesn’t it?
I’m writing this under the assumption that the majority of you who read this are born-again followers of Jesus. You are a triune being – spirit, soul and body. Your spirit has been brought to life by the Spirit of God. Your soul is your mind, will, and your emotions. Your soul must undergo the process of coming under the rule of your spirit, which has been made perfectly new in the image of Christ.
It becomes much easier to control my tongue once my soul (mind) has been renewed.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2)
For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?
But we have the mind of Christ. (1 Cor. 2:16)
These two scriptures seem to contradict themselves, don’t they? Actually, they work hand-in-hand. As a child of God, I have the capacity to think the thoughts of God. Through the process of renewing my mind, I am then able to conform my mind to His thoughts. In essence, I am training my brain.
Our brain is the one organ in our body that we literally have the power to change daily.
Whatever damage may have occurred due to emotional trauma through negative words can be healed and restoration take place. I know because I’m experiencing it. How is this happening? One thought at a time.
There is hope.
I’ll explain in my next blog.
Kevin